The last time I posted in this….  Yup, it was before the end of grade 12.

And I decided to ~document my progress online~.

Yeah, no.  That never happened.  It’s not that I don’t have a problem with it happening, it’s just that I’m realistic about it.  And in itself, blogging about spending less time on the internet seems somewhat paradoxical to me.

I do spend a lot of time on the internet.  I can cut it back, but to be honest, I don’t want to cut it back entirely.

My school is WONDERFUL, all of the people that I have met so far just seem so great, lots of adorable guys (heehee), and my program is… kind of fantastic.

So…..  I’m not going to be responsible.  I’m going to be human.

I’m going to overthink things.  Because that’s what I do.. because I’m human.

I will try my best in university to not suck and pursue the knowledge I’m given to my best abilities.  I believe if I stay on top of the things I need to have done, I should find this year feasible :)

… That’s it, I guess.

Alex out!

Honestly?  I probably spent around 8-10 hours online tonight.  I’m not entirely sure.  I’m fully aware that that’s pretty pathetic, and I’m working toward fixing it as we speak.  I didn’t finish my art project, nor did I start it for that matter, but I did accomplish a feeble amount of history.

Even my dad is onto me now… he knows that I’m not really doing homework when I say that I am.  I’ll prove him wrong, I’ll prove them all wrong!  This is the weekend that will decide whether or not I need to do something extremely drastic.  I can’t believe I spent around 10 hours online tonight.  Just thinking about it makes me feel shift uncomfortably in the seat which is beginning to become one with my behind.

I have a plan.  I’m going to educate you, because hell, I need this written somewhere else so I can retain my sanity.  Tomorrow, on Friday the 13th, the plan is roughly as follows:

-On spare I’m going to go to the library to work on history.

-In history we have a workperiod, and I’m going to actually use it well.

-I arrive home at around 2:50, around which time I will nap until around 3:45.

-From 3:45 to around 5:30, I’m going to work on more of my history textbook work.  I should be heading to my dad’s house around this time.

-From 5:30 to 6:30, I have it set so that I can practice flute for half an hour, and eat dinner.  (Assuming that we eat dinner at around this time.)

-6:30 to 12:30, yeah, six whole hours, I’ve dedicated to working on my Hamlet essay.  It’s over a week overdue and I just feel terrible that I’ve been taking advantage of my teacher.  A movie with the parental is highly likely in this timeslot too.

12:30?  SLEEP TIME, OH YEAH.

So that’s my attempt at planning out my life so that I’ll accomplish what’s necessary.  Grade 12 is my chance to shine and my blatant stupidity has been holding me back.  No more.  I sincerely hope I’m not being over-optimistic, this really truly looks achievable.

Much love,

The foolish one by the name of Alex

Hey there, internet.

So not only does Alex fail at blogging, but she also fails at the purpose of this blog entirely.  I was supposed to get my life together and do more work and less internet, I haven’t.

If anything, I’ve maximized my internet usage.  It’s unfortunate but I’m just being honest with myself.  I acquired a taste and got deeply involved with twitter, I met some new people, and I’ve been spending too much time on here again.

I should reset my internet times on stayfocusd.  I should use this blog to make a more positive impact on my life.  I’ll pay attention to how much time I spend on the internet.  That’s a plan.

I’m sure the result will be mildly depressing but hopefully it’ll be the slap in the face that I need to get all of this work done and reassemble my life to some degree of normality.  I miss sleep.

Peace, internet <3

Time spent online today: 3.5 hours

It happened to me several years ago.  It really pains me to know I can’t do anything, because nobody could really do anything for me when I was addicted either.  I just ignored everyone.  Everything I did every day was just having fun so I could report back to my online friends and have a jolly good time talking for hours on end with them.  Chatting.  Chatting.  Chatting.

I really hope for the sake of the people I know that they phase out, too..  I’m worried, truly.

Now I am going to do homework and I’ll be damned if I stop for anything but to go to sleep when I’m finished!

School is once more devouring my life.

I was looking at my last post, and I was laughing, I really was.

It’s not that I wouldn’t like to achieve some of the things that I’ve stated there, and in a way, I have been improving.  It’s just that it’s not the sort of improvement I want (I just end up holing up and reading books for hours on end), and I still feel obliged to talk to many of my friends online.

But that’s not a good thing, it’s not good to be too dependent on anyone, really.  I know that there are some people that I do enjoy talking to online, certainly, just as much if not more than some of the people I know in person.  I should try to distance myself more from my friends online, really great friends are okay with your absence and when you talk to them again, it’s like the absence wasn’t even there. But that’s not the point.. There always should be people there that you can depend on, but everyone should be able to accomplish things by themselves too.

As this article states, the biggest triumph really is getting out of bed.

I’m far too stressed out about school right now, and the pressures within my family regarding university and the like, I have to focus on the smaller triumphs here.

The ultimate goal is to just be happy with who I am and what I’m doing, self control doesn’t necessarily have to be the main thing, it’s just connected to the self control part..  Because if I don’t have enough self control, I end up doing things that I regret.  And then I get mad at myself.

I wonder exactly what it is that make people have large amounts, little, or no self control.  

I mean I know I for one can have it to a certain degree, but I’m pretty vulnerable to certain things, which is most of the reason I think I’m so straightedge.  I’ve had highs and lows of horrible internet addiction (or it could even be referred to as an obsession, more like), but overall I think I’ve just sort of had weakness to not do certain things.  My time management is very weak.

I guess part of this blog is a documentation on how to get some self improvement, as the song dancing through life, from the play Wicked suggests,

Dancing through life

No need to slough it

When you just tough it off as I do

Nothing matters, and knowing nothing matters

It’s just life

So keep dancing through

Which really, suggests to not have any worries and just be a happy and easygoing person.  It’s just often that’s challenging, when it feels like anything done wrong leads to the downfall of other things.  And it’s just so easy to do the wrong things.

It’s time to start being more positive (not that I’m an overly negative person, really.)  I think if I somehow manage to measure my hours on the internet, it’ll really be helpful toward me becoming a happier individual with more self control.

University, when the time comes knocking, I’ll be prepared!  (Or so I hope.)

So yeah, I’m just average.

But I suppose saying I’m average would be a lie, because I’m actually quite odd, but the reality is that I’m perfectly okay with my oddities, they’re what make me myself.

I aspire to become something later in life that I’m proud of.  I sincerely hope I can achieve this.

I’m just going to post ramblings on here.  Not too often, just when I think of something mildly profound and worth sharing.  I have two other blogs, one is a rage blog I share with two other marvelous girls, another on which my nerd shines through.  (through ways such as Harry Potter, Disney, Supernatural, Doctor Who, etc.)

Until next time, internet!